Welcome to 2020

Well hello there, you guys may not remember me because I’ve been fucking AWOL for the past six or seven months but here I am and honestly, I hope I’ll continue to write on here again but hey my past record shows otherwise!

So I would love to start this post like many of the new year ones I’ve seen and tell you how excited I am for another year, give you all of my resolutions and dreams but truthfully, this isn’t going to be one of those I’m afraid, so if you’re not hear for a pity party then you should probably leave! No I’m totally joking I’m not about all that woe is me but I am just going to tell you all how I’m feeling right now.

The truth is, I’m lost and I’ve never been this lost throughout my entire life! I have no idea what to do in terms of career and as I’m about to reach the ripe old age of 27, I feel so much pressure to figure my shit out. My head is just all over the place so this post is probably going to be the same, so first let me apologise if this turns out to be a mess, quite like myself at the moment. Back in February 2018 I wrote a post about finally getting my dream job as a Journalist and starting work for a local TV station. I was literally over the moon, I worked my ass off through uni and doing work experience to try and get to that point but after the worst anxiety I’ve had to deal with and just not loving the company I feel like I’ve failed. As my living situation is a bit crazy at the moment too, I’m back and forth between Aberdeen and home, I can’t really apply for another job. I’ve been trying to get some freelance gigs so I can just work from my laptop wherever I am but it’s moving at a glacial pace. Sometimes I really wish I could turn back the years and start from scratch.

When you start to get older and closer to thirty, the pressure to have a house, get married and have children becomes real, let me tell you! You get hit from all angles, family, social media and yourself. You see people around you succeeding in their careers, getting a home and having babies and you wonder what if it never happens for you? Your head gets consumed with questions that you just don’t have answers for like, “what if you never have enough money for a house?” “What if you get too old and can’t have children?” My head feels like it could explode literally every single day.

Don’t get me wrong I have so many good things in my life, the number one being my incredible boyfriend and we’re actually celebrating our four years together today! We’ve travelled to some phenomenal countries and made amazing memories but it’s so hard to get focused on what we don’t have rather than what we do have! I’d love to just sit here and type that things will work out and that one day I won’t feel so lost but I guess I’m just scared that it won’t because honestly I don’t know where the fuck to start.

I also know I’m not the only one who feels like this so please feel free to get in touch with me on here or my socials which are all on my Get in Touch page, I’d love to hear from you!

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